It took her long enough to jump on the bandwagon, but Kim Kardashian has finally decided to give the Jukari Fit-to-Fly workout a go. I swear, if there’s one thing Kim knows how to do it’s pick her angles. When she wants the world to see Skinny Kim, she shows them Skinny Kim and when she wants to show some booty, well she can make that happen too.

Ummm…this is basically inexcusable and because it is so basic and so basically inexcusable, and because it happened to Kim Kardashian and not to me, it is therefore hilarious.

I am so sunburned and need help! I’m in Mexico and I was sunbathing when I fell asleep with my huge Prada butterfly sunglasses on and now look at me! I’m going to have to hide from cameras for days. I usually never get red, I always get dark. It hurts! Do u guys have any remedies I can try to help ease the pain and get rid of the redness?

Everyone here is making fun of me!

Guess what, Kim? Everyone here is making fun of you too. This girl doesn’t make it easy to feel sorry for her, does she? Sunbathing, Mexico, Prada sunglasses? If you really want help, Kim, maybe don’t try so hard to make all of us green with envy and burning black with bitterness and resentment.

Look at Reggie’s teammate and friend Bobby starting with the jokes. My whole body is burned but my face looks the worst because of the glasses. I will never wear sunglasses when sunbathing again! [Source]

How about never sunbathing again? Or how about wearing a little block? I’m not saying you need to slather yourself in the stuff but maybe just like a dab of 15 around the eyes and nose. Then again, if Kim had been a bit more responsible, I wouldn’t be looking at my favorite picture of the last several months. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I’m enjoying it and I hope Reggie can wrangle up an Aloe Vera plant cuz this curvy burn victim is gonna need it.

No, not literally. Don’t worry, fellas. Kim Kardashian has been working out extra hard to get ready for bikini season. The curvy reality star had this to say in an interview with US Weekly about the insane hours she’s been keeping at the gym:

“I have been going sooo hard in the gym, and I really feel it’s paying off!” she  blogs. “My tummy is soo toned. Why is it that the top part gets ripped first and the lower part is sooo hard to tone up!? I am determined to have a six pack by summer! In a feminine way, of course.”

The 5-foot-2, 118-pound Kardashian, 28, recently opened up to Us Weekly about how she whittled her size-6 physique down to a size 2.

Her routine involves “an upbeat warm-up, then upper-body cardio using 5-pound weights, a lower-body workout with squats and lunges,” she told Us. She finishes it off “with an abs series and stretching.”

Despite all the working out, she tells Us, “I love my curves and have to work out to maintain them. Actually, keeping my shape takes a lot more work than just doing nothing or being super-skinny. So this was about toning up, getting fit.” [Source]

You know, I had no idea Dash was so short. Just another example of how reality TV actually warps your perception of reality. Move over Jim Morrison, I’m about to break on through.

Kim Kardashian apparently hates working out, which strikes me as funny since she’s about to release an exercise DVD. The curvy reality star recently revealed how she went from a size 6 to a size 2 in less than a week.

…it wasn’t thanks to starving herself that she accomplished such an amazing feat, she says, but because of an intense workout routine and going on a macrobiotic diet. Both are aimed to help her stay toned while also focusing on her health.

…for the launch of the fitness DVD, the star had to start working out more, so her training included, as per her own admission, daily sessions of at least two hours of exercise. Sometimes, Kim even did two sessions in the same die, with the same purpose of being in the best shape for the DVD launch.

Each session started with a warmup, followed by cardio exercises with five-pound weights. According to Kim, her favorite exercises are squats and lunges – ideal for the lower part of the body – but she also worked her abs and did some stretching at the end of each session. Because she hardly works out outdoors, Kim had to focus on her entire body in the gym, which is why she tried to work all the muscles with various exercises.

As for the diet, just recently, Kardashian discovered the many advantages of the macrobiotic diet, which includes, veggie burgers, quinoa, tofu and soy cheese. Low in fat, high in fiber and mostly vegan, the diet has worked wonders for the star so far, she says. However, she still indulges in her cravings every now and then, not being the one able to resist the temptation of burgers and fries. With all that, the socialite explains, she tries to avoid heavy carbs and is moderate even when she’s giving in to cravings. [Source]

I wish this damned DVD would launch already. Feels like it’s been in the works forever.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Scarlett Johansson isn’t the only star firing back at the tabloids for making negative comments about celebrity bodies. Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Love-Hewitt, and Tyra Banks, have also been pretty outspoken when it comes to the media obsession with cellulite. Here are some choice quote from all three diva superstars:

But you know what, who cares! So what: I have a little cellulite. What curvy girl doesn’t!?  - Kim Kadashian

“A size 2 is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size 0 doesn’t make you beautiful.” - Jennifer Love Hewitt

”Kiss My Fat Ass” - Tyra Banks [Source]

You gotta hand it to Tyra for being succinct. Brevity is indeed the soul of wit…and sassy back talk.

The always-controversial rapper Eminem spoofs Kim Kardashian in his latest video “We Made You.” In the video, an actress playing Kim shows off her insanely huge behind in a restaurant. The lyrics also mention how Kim is just famous because of her butt and not because she has any talent at all. But Kim was very flattered that she was in the video.

I just saw Eminem’s new video for “We Made You” and he totally spoofs me!! It was a total surprise to me because I had no idea he was going to talk about me in the song.

I think this video is so funny! I am a huge Eminem fan and find it flattering that he would rap about me. He’s a bit harsh about some other celebrities, but you just have to let it go and have a sense of humor. Personally, I’m honored. [Source]

I admire Kim Kardashian for knowing her place in the entertainment industry. She knows she’s not relevant and she cannot afford to be insulted by talented people making fun of her. Of course, it is also possible that she did not understand the song and was just giddy of the fact that she was IN the video. Who cares if she’s painted in a bad light, as long as she is mentioned.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Kim Kardashian is taking a break from her own butt and focusing on the posterior of another bodacious mama.

Kim Kardashian writes in a post on her blog that she has grabbed Lil’ Kim’s buttock during a recent backstage visit to “Dancing with the Stars” set. “Lil’ Kim was mesmerizing to watch, and after the show I had to grab her booty!” reveals the celebrity-socialite, adding that the female rapper “is so curvy.”

Apparently, L’il Kim returned the favor and grabbed Big Kim’s butt right back. But the diminutive rapper isn’t the only DWTS contestant to warrant Dash’s praise. She’s also a huge fan of recently eliminated Holly Madison.

“I absolutely love Holly,” she writes about the former girlfriend of Playboy boss Hugh Hefner. “It was sad to see Woz and Holly go last night but that’s the rules of the show and now it’s being elevated to the next level,” she continues when referring to Holly and fellow dancing contestant Steve Wozniak’s elimination from the fourth week of the competition. [Source] 

Apparently, Photoshop abuse is the issue of the day, at least for me. Kim Kardashian’s untouched Complex photos have been circulating and though the magazine’s editors claim that the release was a complete “accident,” I have to wonder if Kardashian maybe made somebody a little angry during the photo shoot.

The editors over at Complex accidentally released an unedited shot of the “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” hottie before realizing their mistake and quickly replacing it with he touched-up version.  But it was too late- bloggers got ahold of both versions and criticized Kim for being digitally-enhanced.

Unscathed, she fired back, “I’m proud of my body and my curves and this picture coming out is probably helpful for everyone to see that just because I am on the cover of a magazine doesn’t mean I’m perfect.  This all motivates me to stay in the gym because my goal this year has been to get in better shape and tone up!  Hard work pays off!” [Source]

I don’t believe for a second that this was an accident and I also don’t believe that Kim was happy about it, regardless of how proud she may be of her body. This isn’t about your curves, Kim–those were left relatively unchanged, and it isn’t about airbrushing cuz we know that’s just the reality of things.

My issue is with Kim’s response. How is the release of these photos “helpful?” I don’t think anyone was operating under the delusion that you’re perfect, dear Kardashian. And if you wanted to inspire people to get into the gym, your workout DVDs are probably a much better solution.