Ugh. Gwyneth Paltrow is so cheesy she should be used in a fondue. The Oscar-winner turned health-guru had this to say in a recent Goop newsletter:

Spring is springing! The optimism inherent in the first blossoms says it all – that is, until you realize that bathing suit season is closer than you think. As it is wholly unrealistic to follow those “10 Days to a Bathing Suit-Ready Body” routines expecting to actually achieve a drastic change, I asked the cutest, most motivated, most genius trainer on earth to jumpstart our spring fitness regimes. Here is a spanking new dance cardio routine from Tracy Anderson to get our heart rates up and the inches melting away. Do dance cardio five times a week for at least 30 minutes and by summer you will see a change you will be proud of! [Source]

Sure, Gwyneth probably didn’t write this but whoever she’s hired to churn out her happy-sappy copy should be tied to a tree and doused in raw honey in the middle of bear country. If you think I’m being mean, then visit Goop and check out Tracy Anderson’s bubbly, free dance podcast and spring into spring like a champion Goopster. You have my blessing.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

Kathy Ireland has a big fat secret. Apparently, she’s not the super swimsuit body that she used to be. When the former super model got a look at a recent photo her son snapped of her while she was making cookies at home, she realized something had to change:

“He said ‘Mom, you look pregnant. I didn’t recognize the person I saw. I saw someone who looked overwhelmed, overstressed, overweight, over-everything.”

In her latest book, Real Solutions for Busy Moms. Ireland talks about how mothers tend to put everybody else’s needs before their own. Case in point: she had put on 25 lbs. without even really realizing it.

“I was not making enough time to take care of me,” says Ireland, 46, a mother of three kids ranging in age from 6 to 14 and CEO of Kathy Ireland World Wide, a $1.4 billion design empire. She also runs a mentoring program for single teen mothers.

To get back on track, Ireland enlisted the help of a friend, who happens to be a personal trainer and nutritionist. Thanks to healthier food choices, including cutting down on snacking and desserts, plus three exercise sessions a week, Ireland says she’s almost back to where she feels her best.

Does that mean she wants to get back into a bikini?

“No, that’s not my goal. I want to be healthy, to be there for my husband and my kids.” [Source]

I guess it’s nice to know that even models can get a bit off track from time to time. Also, it seems like Ireland has the right goals and is being realistic about where she is in her life. Why worry about a bikini when happiness can be as simple as staying healthy and spending time with the fam?

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

In another three years Taylor Dane will be a member of the 50+ Hotness Club. Right now, she’s just a 47-year old fading pop star with her eyes on the fitness prize. Dane told OK Magazine recently that while she does indulge in Botox and HRT every now and again (who doesn’t), she still makes diet and exercise a priority:

“And I’m telling you - exercise, exercise, exercise…As a woman, as you get older, you get challenged by that all the time because your body works against you a lot because we are hormonally challenged so much….I always had a lot of anxiety in my body, you know, so working out helps with that, and I believe in a lot of hormone replacement therapy. It’s worked for me successfully.”

Taylor has a unique exercise plan that offers a lot of good variety. She told the magazine,

“I like to mix it up. I do anything from hiking, running, I do something called Barry’s Boot Camp a couple times of week if I can do it, and just straight-up go to the gym.”

Barry’s Boot Camp is a mix of high-impact aerobics with running and incline and then 30 minutes of training with free-weights in traditional military style. As for Taylor’s diet plan, it isn’t so much of a diet but it’s more about being sensible and making healthy food choices. She explained,

“I hate dieting, but what am I going to do? With this body, I have to. I don’t naturally have Angelina Jolie’s body, let me tell you. I’m a curvaceous girl. It’s a day-to-day thing. It sucks. It’s awful. High protein, low carbs. I’m not a big sugar mama, so that’s OK, but the usual high protein, good food. Try to stay away from processed foods, because at the end of the day, that always kills you.” [Source]

Damned straight, Taylor. Processed foods are the devil. Maybe we should send Taylor in to get Lindsay Lohan back on the straight and narrow.

Playboy playmate Kendra Wilkinson is marketing her own stripper poles! The “Girls Next Door” co-star is putting her name on a line of stripper-inspired exercise products, including poles, all of which come with an instructional DVD. Wilkinson is probably trying to make a little cash to pay for her upcoming wedding.

Speaking of Kendra, she’s getting married soon, which kind of boggles my mind because hello? Would you marry somebody who’s stuck their hooha in the drooling faces of every teenager from here to Omaha? Huh. Here’s what Kendra had to say about her upcoming nuptials:

“Still working on the dress,” Wilkinson — who was worried about looking too “’80s Prom” — told Us. “We’re talking to a really cool florist. He’s making the flowers amazing — 6-foot centerpieces! It’s going to look like a fair-tale wedding. I’m really excited about it.” [Source]

Sounds great. I just hope old Kendra isn’t planning on wearing white.

Audrina Patridge is the latest starlet to get swept up in Reebok’s “Fit to Fly” fitness craze. Mischa Barton and Molly Simms were spotted trying out the trapeze-inspired exercise class last week. With all this great celebrity attention, Fit to Fly is sure to be coming to a gym near you very soon.

Because yoga and detox diets aren’t enough, Katie Holmes is dancing now too. Looks like she’s trying to be a good role model for Suri, who is taking ballet lessons. In most cases, don’t kids follow in their parents’ footsteps?

Katie Holmes has been hard at work at the dance studio, including trips over the past two days in LA. On Thursday she wore a black dress like Suri’s to practice and was back in sweats Friday morning. The actress has been honing her skills at the studio, but now that the weekend is here maybe it’s time for another celebrity playdate with Suri. [Source]

The image of Katie and Suri wearing identical black dresses is just a little weird but maybe mommy-and-me ballet is the next big thing in celebrity fitness.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures

We all know that Fergie has been working out hard and finally hit her goal weight after gaining some chunk for her role in the movie, “Nine.” The Black Eyed Peas singer has also been using her workouts as a way to spend some time with her hubby Josh Duhamel.

Getting in a little active quality time,  Stacy “Fergie” Ferguson and her husband  Josh Duhamel were spotted on their way out of VERT Fitness Center in Malibu, California yesterday (March 29).

The “Big Girls Don’t Cry” songstress and her hunky hubby looked like they’d just had a killer workout as they passed the paparazzi and hopped in their car. [Source]

The happy couple is looking super hot, super happy and super fit—let’s hope they can keep it up once the honeymoon is over.

Megan Mullally defined her career by playing the oversexed, materialistic and slightly dim Karen on “Will and Grace.” Now, Mullally returns to prime time in the new sitcom, “In the Motherhood” and is playing a character not too dissimilar, except this time she’s got a kid to complicate matters. Mullally is 50 now and she recently talked about the health practices that have kept her looking great throughout the years.

I’ve been doing pilates three to four times a week for about two years now and I love it…I use the Reformer, the Cadillac, the chair and mat. I like a little bit of everything. I remember hearing about pilates over 20 years ago, as it was used to help dancers rehab from injuries. I don’t know why I never tried it before now, though. I wish I had.

As for the strangest workout craze that Megan ever got sucked into:

Megan: Long ago, I literally became a step class addict. I actually ran with a dysfunctional group of step groupies and we would take two step classes a day. That lasted about three months. [Source]

Not so sure about the step addiction but we love pilates and Mullally looks awesome so whatever she’s got going on is working.

Photo Credit: Fame Pictures